


Until The Gleam Of Hope Is Dead

by SmileyTwee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Bruises, Crying, Cutting, Drama, Help, Hurt, Liam is a Good Friend, M/M, Minor Eating Disorder, Niall doesn't talk about his problems, Niall is traumatized, Pain, Problems, Rape, Scared Niall, Secrets, Self-Harm, Threats, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Threats of Violence, Triggers, Violence, disgust, finding out, friends - Freeform, rough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-04 23:30:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5352446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileyTwee/pseuds/SmileyTwee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Direction have a new bodyguard. He rapes Niall and hurts him in a horrible way. Niall is too afraid to talk about it. Liam tries to help him though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rape and Violence is a serious topic. Please don't read it if you think it could effect you in negative ways. I don't want to hurt anyone. The whole story is fictional.

Until The Gleam Of Hope Is Dead

Everything started on a Wednesday. Niall was brought to his hotel room by the new bodyguard Royce. The day had been exhausting, many interviews and almost no free-time for him and the lads. Fortunately they only had to spend one single night in the hotel because for the next days a break was planned.  
Niall was pretty happy about going back to Mullingar to see his family. He missed them. Of course he did, the last time he had seen them was about three months ago. So he was definitely looking forward to tomorrow.  
But for now, everything he wanted was to sleep. He leaned against the wall next to the door while Royce slid the keycard through the lock. He smirked at the click coming from the opening door and looked at Niall.  
“Guess it´s time for you to sleep now, eh?” he said, still smirking. Niall just nodded and moved around him to head inside his hotel room. He was a little bit surprised when he heard the door shut behind him while Royce was still there.  
Not to understand him wrong. Niall liked Royce, everyone did. He was nice and funny, always cracking jokes. Even though Niall did only know him for about two months now, he would define them as friends. Royce wasn't the age the other bodyguards were, he was in his mid-twentieths and got along with everyone of the group pretty well.  
So Niall hesitated telling him to leave, because he didn't want to appear rude, but all in all he was just tired and wanted to sleep so desperately.  
“Yeah mate, I´m actually pretty tired, so I think I´m just going to sleep now”, Niall hoped for Royce getting the hint but unfortunately he didn't. At least it seemed like he didn't. Niall bit on his bottom lip and turned around, walking to his bed and pulling the sheets away, not aware of Royce locking the door and smirking evilly.  
Niall moved his hand over his pale face, yawning and standing right in front of the bed as he turned back to the man.  
“Uh, Royce, I don´t want to be rude or something, but I really want to sleep now. It was a long day and I´m damn tired. So would you mind … uh … leaving?” He yawned again and furrowed his eyebrow, as he saw the broad-shouldered man in front of him nod.  
“Actually, yes. I do mind, babe.”  
Niall´s eyes widened, not sure if he got him right. Did he just called him 'babe'? Well, not that Niall wasn't used to be called 'babe', Liam and Zayn actually did that quite often, but never had Royce used any nickname besides Nialler before. And why the hell did he mind leaving? What the fuck was wrong?  
It was the moment, when Royce took a few steps towards him, that Niall was fully aware that something was very odd. Royce´s eyes were almost completely black and the smirk was gone. His face seemed hard and sensual. Instinctively, Niall took a step back. Or at least he tried. His legs touched the bed behind him and forced him to stop.  
“Royce …?” He said with a trembling voice. He was not sure why exactly, but he suddenly felt sick. Fear rushed trough his veins and a shiver took over his body. The man in front of him was only a few inches away from him, still taking steps in his direction.  
“You better be quiet now, slut.” Royce said with a deep voice, sending even more shivers through Niall´s thin body.  
From this moment on, everything happened fast. Way to fast to give Niall at least the chance to react. Royce took a final step towards him and gripped his shirt, yanking it off the shaking body and pushing him back on the mattress while taking off his own shirt.  
Niall wanted to roll away, he wanted to flee, but there was Royce, hovering above him and taking a grip on his wrists.  
“You stay here, you little slut. Don´t even try to struggle.”  
Niall gasped in shock. What was he talking about, what was happening to him? That was Royce, his friend, a nice man whom he trusted.  
“What are you doing? Please just leave me alone. I want to sleep”, he begged. Royce´s answer did not allow any misunderstandings. He punshed his rips and let him gasp in pain.  
While tears were starting to stream down Niall´s face, Royce undid his belt and pulled it out of is jeans, only to wrap it around Niall´s wrist and tie his arms together, making it impossible for Niall to fight agains the harsh grip, appearing on his hips.  
The belt was thigh and bruised his skin, but the hands on his hips aroused all his attention. It was hurting and a sob escaped his lips. “Please, don´t.”  
He still wasn't fully aware of what was currently happening to him, but he knew he didn't like it. And he knew the only thing he wanted was to leave the room, or at least escape from the harsh grip, this very moment.  
“Shut up, you filthy slut. I told you already!”, growled Royce.  
He pushed the shaking boy further onto the bed and unbuttoned his own Jeans. Niall´s eyes widened in horror as he finally realized what was going to happen to him. He saw the older man above him, pulling his hardened cock out of the jeans and stroking it a few times while looking at the pale body beneath him.  
Niall was in shock, not able to move for not longer than a few seconds, but long enough for Royce to slid his fingers under Niall´s waistband. A terrified gasp escaped Niall´s mouth and he started to struggle, suddenly under fully control of his body again. But there was still no chance for him to get these rough fingers off of his body. He opened his mouth in attempt to scream for help, but then there was a hand pressing on his mouth and nipped every noise in the bud.  
“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP! DON´T YOU DARE TO SCREAM! NO ONE WILL HELP A USELESS SLUT LIKE YOU ARE!”, spit Royce in a loud voice.  
Niall started to sob. He couldn't help it, the situation seemed so hopeless to him. He knew that he would not be able to fight against his abuser. Royce was a strong man. He had a broad back and muscles like a boxer. He was tall and Niall suddenly recognized that his grey eyes weren't nice at all. He never saw eyes looking that dangerous before. Everything about Royce seemed so dangerous all of a sudden. If someone would have asked Niall a few hours before, he would have described Royce as a good looking man, but not anymore. His dark, short hair made the grey eyes even more piercing, and not in a good way. Everything about him was so frightening to Niall. He just wanted to look away, but he couldn't.  
The smirk was back on Royce´s thin lips and made the situation even more horrifying. He was enjoying it, Niall could see it.  
Niall pressed his lips together and sniffled quietly, too scared to struggle again. Probably, if he just stayed quiet and did not fight … probably Royce would stop then.  
“Good. You seem to understand me, mhm, princess.” Royce said with a noxiously sweet voice. Niall winced at the nickname, he gave him. “I've waited for this to happen for such a long time now. You are such a cute, little boy, aren´t you? Every time you looked at me the last few weeks made me want you more. Just look at you. Your skin is so flawless and your eyes … mhm …” He pet Niall´s pale skin on the cheek with a coarse finger. “See what you do to me.” He nudged his head down and made Niall look to the throbbing cock laying on his hip. He swallowed hard and averted his gaze immediately.  
“So I think it is your task to make me feel good now, eh? Since you caused this circumstance.” Royce whispered and leaned down, pressed his lips to the boys quivering ones. Niall felt the urge to throw up, his stomach flipped and he felt so sick out of a sudden.  
There were hands on his trousers again, pulling them down together with his boxer shorts and making him shiver.  
“Please stop it.”, whimpered Niall and suddenly Royce sped up again. He ripped the boy´s clothing down and leaned back to let his eyes float over the shaking body. Then he gripped the boy´s hips again, turning him around and letting him flinch in pain, as he tightened his grip on the hipbones. Handprints were already forming on the alabaster coloured skin. “Please don´t.”  
Niall started to move again, his face was pressed into the mattress and his wrists were hurting more and more by every second, because of the belt, still wrapped around his arms. The tears were streaming down his face and he was out of air already, caused by the shocks, still shooting through his veins. He could feel the man´s hand colliding with his right bum cheek, hearing the noise of skin slapping on skin and feeling the pain rushing through his body, as he was pressed down even more. “So perfect.”, Royce breathed into his ear and Niall only wanted to pass out, when he felt the man´s cock press against his ass, slipping between his cheeks. The tall man´s weight was pushing him down into the sheets and leaving him out of breath. He was so heavy. Niall couldn't move.  
Everything felt so surreal to him. This just could not be happening to him. He did not want it. He did not want to feel Royce´s bare skin pressed against his back. He did not want to feel his cock press between his cheeks, and he did not want to hear the man moan deep in his throat as he moved his cock between the cheeks in a slow pace.  
“Do you think your virgin hole needs prep?”  
Niall hiccuped. He knew what Royce meant, but also if he would have been able to say something, he wouldn't have done it. He didn't want to feel Royce inside of him, neither with prep nor without. But he also knew that protesting would not make any difference. So he just lay there, not moving, barely breathing, gasping for air, while tears were streaming down his face, wetting the mattress pressed against his face.  
“Maybe a little bit.” Royce said, more to himself, than to Niall. “I don't want to destroy your sweet, little ass straight at the first time I'm getting inside of it, princess.”  
Niall was a sobbing mess, when Royce crawled next to him, gripping something from his trousers. From his perspective, Niall wasn't able to see what it was, but he couldn't have cared less anyway. All he wanted was it to stop. But there was no end in sight as Royce´s rough fingers came back to his body. One hand was gripping his hip again, deepening the already existing bruises, while the other hand was sliding between his cheeks. Niall jerked forward as far as he could when he felt a finger entering his hole. Although there was lube on the finger it did hurt horribly. Niall was crying out in pain and gained a hard slap against his rips. His throat was raucous from the crying and sobbing and his lower back was arching in pain. He couldn't get away.  
The finger inside of him moved in and out a few times, until a second finger and then, very fast, a third finger entered his tight hole. It was burning, felt sore already and Niall couldn't even imagine having something thicker inside of him than these three fingers. But Royce didn't seem to care. It must have been obvious in how much pain the small, shaking boy was, but it didn't change Royce´s mind.  
The fingers were pulled out and Niall was whining again, tried to crawl away one last time, tried to beg Royce to stop one last time.  
“Please don't hurt me. Please. I don't want it. I'll do anything but please don't hurt me.”, he said with a broken voice, but stopped when he felt a thick cock press against his entrance.  
The cock was nudging against his hole, teasing him and making him shiver in disgust. He was pulled up a little bit to make it easier to enter and then he felt the cock slowly sliding inside of him, ripping him apart. He screamed in pain, the noises were muffled by the sheets his face was still pressed in and everything inside of him was hurting in a way, it never did before. Royce didn't even give him time to adjust at least a little bit, until he pulled out again, almost completely, only to start thrusting into the crying blonde in front of him.  
“You look so good with my cock inside of you.”, he moaned out and steadied his rhythm. “I bet you like my cock so deep in your hole. Taking it so well.”  
Niall was on the edge of unconsciousness, the pain was almost to much and he was clenching so much that the cock inside of him started to hurt even more.  
He was almost relieved when, after what seemed like hours, he felt Royce cum and pull out, the hot liquid splattering into him and over his entrance and again he felt the urge to throw up. He couldn't think straight anymore. Everything was hurting, his vision was blurry and he didn't move, not even when the hands disappeared from his body.  
“You shouldn't have turned me on so much, Niall. I wouldn't have done it, but you just made me so horny, every time you looked at me.”  
So it was his own fault? Did he just say that it was his own fault? Probably he was right. Niall didn't know. Not right now.  
“But nice you've let me enjoy it. Mhm, I think we should repeat it.” Royce bit in his ear, then his neck and sucked a dark, purple lovebite into the skin. Even a dental impression was slightly visible.  
“You know you're not going to tell anyone, eh? Otherwise the dimple face is next! Or maybe I'd rather take the Bradford badboy. What do you think?”  
Niall gasped. No, he wouldn't say a word about what just happened. He didn't want Harry or Zayn to be hurt. Never. Especially not because of him.  
Fingers fumbled to his wrists, opening the belt.  
“Good, sleep well then, Nialler. I think that was what you actually wanted, eh?”  
There was a smack to his bottom, letting Niall squirm in pain, then Royce was gone. And Niall … Niall stayed on the bed, not able to move, not able to wash away the mixed liquid of semen and blood off of his body. He just lay there, looking at the wall in front of him and shivering slightly. Tears were still streaming down his face, as he slowly drifted off to sleep, the pain still present, but too exhausted to move a single limb. 

 

%$%$%

 

The next morning started with a horrible sting in Niall´s abdomen and bum. His eyes flickered open and he groaned with pain. He was scared to move, but he knew that there was no chance to stay in the bed all day. He had to get ready to fly home. And besides … there was still a disgusting mix of liquids on his body, now dry but not less obnoxious.  
With a moan he rolled on the side and tried to sit up. The pain grew but he had to go under the shower. So I tried his best to ignore the stinging pain and stood up. He turned around, to go to the bathroom, his face covered in tears, as his glimpse fell on the bed. The white sheets were blood-soaked and a few drops of another, slightly white liquid was visible as well. Niall gasped in horror, took the blanked and threw it over the big spot to hide it, especially from his own eyes.  
He continued to walk to the bathroom, avoided the look to the mirror and stepped under the shower. The water was cold at the beginning, but he didn't care. He only wanted to wash everything away. The liquids, the pain, the thoughts and especially the memories. The body wash was empty very soon. Niall had used it to wash everything away more than ten times, but nothing had changed. At the beginning, the flowing water was in a bright red, but not anymore. Maybe the blood was gone, but everything else remained the same. Niall hadn't inspect his body so far, but he was sure the there was no way around it anymore. So he lifted his arms to take a look at his wrist. A silent gasp left his lips as he saw the bruises. His wrists were dark purple with a little blue. They were swollen and hurt a lot. He shook his head, didn't want to see it anymore.  
His eyes flew over the rest of his body. The bruises on his hips were the same color as his wrists and in a shape of handprints. There were scratches on his thighs and he knew he had a dental impression on his neck, even though he couldn't see it right now.  
He griped another bottle of body wash and flicked it open. A little amount of the soap dropped onto his fingers. He swallowed hard, didn't want to do, what he was about to do, but he had to. He had to wash everything. So he guided his hand between his cheeks and panted in pain as he touched his injured entrance. He wasn't able to continue. The memories rushed through his mind and he shivered under his own touch, suddenly feeling Royce`s fingers on his body again. His legs were shaking and he couldn't stand anymore. Niall collapsed. He dropped to his knees, his own weight to much for his thin legs to hold. He lay down in the shower tub and the tears were falling again.  
It was his fault. His own fucking fault. Royce told him. And suddenly Niall believed him completely. It wouldn't have happened if he never looked at the bodyguard the way he did. Actually there have never been any special looks on his face, when his eyes found Royce`s but of course Niall did not recognize it now. Too much traumatized by what happened, Royce`s words constantly repeating in his head.  
He was crying and shuddering, the hot water monotonously hitting his dyed hair and streaming down over his trembling body. He did not know how long he was laying under the jet of water, when he heard a voice coming from his room.  
“Niall?”  
Niall lifted his head. Panic reaching his limbs and he started to shiver even more. Was it Royce?  
“Nialler, what are you doing? You´re late for the breakfast.”  
It wasn't Royce. It was Liam`s voice. Niall sighed in relief and sit up slowly.  
“Niall? Mate are you alright? Why don't you answer?” Liam sounded worried.  
After clearing his throat was Niall finally ready to answer. “I'm fine.” The words sounded coarse, his throat sore from crying.  
“Good, hurry up. I'll wait here.”  
The panic was back again. Liam could not stay there. Niall did not think about bringing some clothes to the bathroom and there was absolutely no way for him to go to his suitcase completely naked as long as Liam was present.  
“No!”, he said quickly and maybe a little bit too fast. He cleared his throat again and repeated then slower. “No, you don't need to wait.”  
“Ah, nevermind! Just get ready.”  
Niall turned the water off and climbed out of the shower. Dripping wet he stood in the bathroom and bit on his bottom lip while letting his view flicker through the room. He had to get some clothes, but here was nothing. So he had to go to his room. But Liam mustn't see his bruises. So what to do? What to do?  
He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his thin hip, but that did not hide all of his bruises, so he quickly took a second one and threw it over his shoulders, pulling it together on his chest and hoping that at least most of his bruises were hidden. And probably Liam did not pay much attention.  
He opened the door tentatively and stepped out of the bathroom. His eyes spotted Liam immediately.  
He was sitting on the bed in the middle of the room, looking up when he heard Niall entering the room. Niall´s eyes widened.  
“Please don't sit on the bed.” The words left his mouth before he could even think about it. He just did not want Liam sitting on the bed, in which all of these horrible things have happened, millimetres away from the blood-stained sheets. Luckily Niall had covert them with a blanket, otherwise Liam would have seen the obvious spots already.  
“What? Why not?” said Liam frowning.  
“J-just don't si-i-i-t there, please.” His voice was shaking.  
“Okay.”  
Liam stood up, now obviously worried.  
“Why are you wrapped in two towels?”  
Why the hell was Liam always so curious?  
“I ...” Niall could not think about an excuse, so he shut his mouth again and just walked over to his suitcase. He grasped some clothes, not caring about the pick and quickly turned around again to go back to the bathroom, ignoring Liam´s questioning look.  
He sighed when he closed the door and leaned against it. Fuck! His bum was hurting so much. Walking was horror! Every step shoot flashes of pain through his body and he was pretty sure that Liam saw it. One could not even call his walking 'wobbling' anymore. At least he did not say anything.  
Niall dressed himself, still avoiding to look in the mirror and after taking a deep breath, he went back into his room.  
His legs were shaking again when he stepped outside the door for the second time, clearly in pain but doing his best to not let the pain being reflected on his face. Liam was standing next to his bad, but he did not look lost, as Niall would have expected if he had thought about it. No he looked confused, holding something in his hands what Niall identified as his shirt. The shirt which was yanked from his body yesterday, when everything started.  
“What happened with your shirt?” Liam sounded anxious and looked straight into Niall´s eyes.  
“Nothing.”, was everything Niall could suss out. He took a few steps towards Liam and hold his hand out to take the shirt from Liam. He was too fast. His bum was practically on fire, everything in him screamed “PAIN” and he hissed loudly.  
“Niall? What the hell is wrong?” Liam´s hands darting forward, he dropped the shirt and hold Niall instead, saving him from falling.  
“I'm fine.” screwed Niall between almost closed lips, avoiding Liam´s skeptical glimpse.  
“No you´re not.”  
“Skip it, please. May we go get some food?” Niall was absolutely not hungry but he did not want to stay alone in a room with Liam. He would find out, Niall was pretty sure. And that would mean Harry or Zayn would be next! And it was Niall´s duty to prevent it.  
It was his own fault. Everything was his fault and he did not want to let Harry or Zayn pay for it.  
His eyes were swimming in tears again and he could not stop one of the tears slip out of his eyes and rolling down his cheek.  
“Hey Niall, what is it? Please talk to me? Why are you crying?”  
There was no holding back anymore. Liam sounded to worried and it was his look that pushed Niall over the clip. He started sobbing, answered hiccuping and fully aware that he could not tell the truth.  
“I'm – I'm just ti-tired. Yesterday was so ex-exhausting-g and … and … I miss my-y family. I just want t-to see them!”  
Niall did not miss the look in Liam´s eyes. Of course Liam was not stupid. He knew that Niall did not tell the whole truth but fortunately he did not say anything, but rather pulling Niall against his warm body and hugging him tight.  
It hurt. Not too much but enough for Niall to flinch under Liam´s touch. But Liam still did not show that he noticed. Niall was so thankful. It was hard enough for him being touched after what happened last night, he would not have been able to stand another question. 

%$%$%

Niall and Liam arrived downstairs to have breakfast, the others were finished already. Niall took a seat next to Zayn and tried to avoid everyones glances. The way downstairs has been horrible. His bum was hurting more with every step. It felt as if he was ripped apart again every time, but though he had to stay quiet. Luckily Liam did not say anything. Niall has seen the worried way he looked at him, but tried to ignore it. He had enough problems already. For example the fear to see Royce at breakfast. He was not ready to see him already. But he knew that there was no way not to see him today. He was his bodyguard. He had to be there to protect him. Very ironical.  
No he was sitting next Zayn and felt sick again. Royce wasn't here, but he could enter the room every second and Niall was absolutely not prepared.  
“I'm going to get some food, what shall I bring you, Niall?”  
Niall lifted his head to look at Liam. “Nothing. I'm not hungry at all.”  
Every conversation around him dropped and the whole table went quiet. Suddenly there were aplenty eyes directed at him and he shrank on his seat, trying to escape their curios and shocked expressions.  
“Are you ill?” asked Lou and looked pretty shocked.  
“Is that a joke?” Harry looked confused.  
“You sure, Nialler?” Zayn wanted to now.  
“Yeah. I'm fine, I'm just not hungry.”, said Niall and all he wanted was to run away.  
“Alright.” Liam shrugged and went to the breakfast buffet, not able to hide his worried face.  
Niall sighed. This was going to be a horrible, exhausting day.

 

%$%$%$%

 

The luck was on his side. At least partly. Royce never appeared at the breakfast table and Niall did not see him until 9am, when they were about to leave the hotel. He limped to the lobby, his headphones around his neck, questioning himself when the first one would recognize the bruise on his neck, as he saw him. He stopped abruptly, a horrified expression on his face and not able to walk on by.  
“Niall?” Liam was behind him, stopping as well as he saw the fear appear in his best friend´s eyes. “What is it?”  
Niall shook his head, trying to clear his throat to come up with an excuse, but nothing helped to let the knot in his throat disappear.  
“Come on, tell me the truth. Why are you acting like this? What are you afraid of?”  
Niall shook his head in a faster pace, tears again blurring his view.  
“It's nothing. Really. I … I just want to go home, okay?” Niall´s eyes were pleading and full of fear at once.  
“Niall ...”, Liam tried it again but Niall just shook his head again, not sure what to do now.  
He did not want to discuss with Liam any longer, but where should he go? There was Royce and he did scare the fuck out of him. Niall looked in Royce´s direction again, only to meet his glance and to see the disgusting smirk forming on the bodyguards face. He felt sick again immediately and turned away.  
The memories were again present and playing behind his inner eye. Royce´s voice again repeating in his head: “Little slut” - “No one will help a useless slut like you are” - “ you caused this circumstance” - “I don't want to destroy your sweet, little ass straight at the first time I'm getting inside of it, princess.” - “You look so good with my cock inside of you.” - “I wouldn't have done it, but you just made me so horny, every time you looked at me.” - “I think we should repeat it.”  
All these words inside of it head, for no one else to here but for him, were sending shiver down his spine. Only Royce´s presence was enough for Niall turn extremely pale and weak. What if Royce did not lie? What if he actually wanted to repeat it? Niall was pretty sure he could not stand something like that for a second time. And it was his fault after all. He did cause it, just like Royce told him. He made the bodyguard horny, it was his fault only. And could never tell anyone. Never! Otherwise Harry and Zayn would get hurt. Because of him! His fault! His fucking fault!  
“Niall! Niall you should sit down, you are extremely pale.” Liam´s voice did not really reach his brain. He just turned away from Liam and started walking (or limping) towards Paul. He wanted to get into the car already. He simply was not able to stay inside of this hotel. The hotel everything happened in. The hotel where Royce was still present and where Liam was bombarding him with questions he wasn't able and allowed to answer anyway. He just had to get away from this humbling glare Royce fixed on him.

 

%$%$%$% 

 

The five lads were heading to the plane. Niall arranged to sit next to Louis during the flight. Hoping he would be able to cheer him up a little bit, because he did not want to think about what had happened anymore. He just wanted at least a few hours of distraction. It was still quite difficult for Niall to walk properly. His bum was still burning and sore and he was already scared of going to the toilet when the time was coming. But now was not a moment to think about it.  
He stepped through the doors of the plane and guided to his place by a stewardess. Their seats were in the front of the plane, isolated from the other passengers, even the other passengers of the first class were sitting in another part of the plane.  
Louis was right in front of him and slipped to the seat at the window, waiting for Niall to follow him. Niall was so relieved to finally sit again (walking was very exhausting with a sore bum), that he did not think about moving slowly anymore. He just let himself fall onto the seat next to Louis.  
A horrible twitch rushed from his bum through his whole body and let him yelp in pain. His eyes immediately filling with tears and his face contorted with pain. There was no way to hide how much he was hurt and of course Louis recognized.  
“Niall? What the fuck is wrong? Are you hurt?”, he sounded alarmed.  
Normally Louis wasn't a person who showed his worries quickly, he rather kept them to himself, only talking about it, if he became extremely worried.  
“I'm fine.”  
“Don't dare lying at me, Niall! I can see that you're not fine. So what is it? Where does it hurt?” Louis seemed really serious.  
“I just have sore muscles.”, Niall tried to find excuses again, but not successful. Of course Louis did not believe him.  
“What from? Niall be honest. What is it? I mean I'm not stupid. I saw the hickey on your neck already at breakfast. I just did not say a word because you did not seem to be in good mood.” Louis looked at him in a very curious but still alarmed way.  
“It's not a hickey!” Niall almost screamed.  
A hickey was something positive. At least it was to him. But the bruise on his neck wasn't positive at all. He hated it. It only show how much power Royce have had over him. It showed his weakness and that he did not even was able to fight against being raped.  
He slightly winced under his own thought. He was the first time that he thought this word. Rape. But yes, that was it. He got raped. Raped by his bodyguard, a disgusting man whom he had seen as a friend. And it was his fault. It was his own fault that he got raped!  
The tears were fully back again. Streaming down his face and he sobbed quietly.  
“God Niall, what is it?” Louis was in shock, so to say. He reached out to pet Niall´s head but Niall recoiled intuitively. He only saw the hand, the thoughts of have been raped still overwhelming and all the memories rushing through his head again. It was too much. He whimpered silently and avoided Louis´ look.  
“Please don´t touch me.” He said, shaking a little bit.  
“I … Niall I just wanted to comfort you.” Louis seemed confused and still worried. He watched the shaking boy in front of him precisely. And he definitely did not like what he saw.  
Niall was so pale, the tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping onto his lap. His hands were trembling and his whole appearance was just alarming.  
He slowly lifted his head to look at Louis. He sniffling bit on his bottom lip and swallowed hard a few times.  
“Comfort me?” He said with a questioning look.  
“Yes, comfort you. Because you're obviously not feeling well.”  
No he definitely didn't. Niall was maybe the one who started crying most rapidly when it came to the five boys. But he never cried without a good reason and especially not the way he did right now. Something has happened. Louis knew that for sure. But he was empathetic enough to know, that Niall would never say why he was crying at the moment. So everything he could do right now was comforting the younger boy and trying to make him feel better.  
“Okay.” Niall cawed.  
And this time he let Louis pet his hair. He let himself sink against Louis´ chest, a soothing hand stroking his back and helping him calm down. He knew that he had to be more careful. He just hoped that he was only acting the way he was right now, because it was so new. He hoped that hiding what happened would become easier, because at the moment it was unbelievable difficult. He did not want to talk about it. Of course he didn't. But being not allowed to talk about it made it even harder.


	2. Chapter 2

“Niall … oh god it's so good to see you again.” Maura shouted and pulled her son into her arms. “I missed you, baby.”  
“I missed you, too, mum.”, he said and hugged her back. The urge to cry was back again. After falling asleep in Louis' arms at the plane, he felt a little bit better. But now, being with his family again, he didn't feel good at all. Everything was so overwhelming. He didn't want to know, how they would react if they knew that he let himself being raped. And that it was his own fault. Would they hate him? Probably. Would they be disgusted? Probably.  
He could not think straight anymore. They would not hear about it anyway. No one would tell them. No one could tell him! No one knew except from Niall and … well Royce!  
He squirmed free of his mum´s arms to hug his dad. Bobby's blue eyes found his son's and he smiled brightly.  
“How have your concerts been?”, he asked, obviously being happy to have his youngest son back.  
“Fine. Pretty fine.”  
Niall forced a smile on his face and started to look around in the hallway. Nothing had changed. Everything was still the same as it was when he was here for the last time.  
“Is Greg here?”  
“Not yet. But he said, he'd visit later.”, said Maura with a warm smile still on her face and laughter lines around her eyes.   
Niall nodded. “... 'kay.”  
“What do you want to eat? I have Pizza here and … actually I will cook whatever you want.” His mum laughed, simply fortunate to have her son back.  
“Ugh … I … I'm not hungry.” Shocked expressions on his parents face, let him add: “I'm tired. The flight was exhausting. May I … may I just go to my room?”  
Probably that wasn't his best excuse. He wasn't tired at all, have had slept almost the whole flight, but he just wanted to be alone, finally. His bum was still hurting, sitting for hours did not really help to heal and it constantly reminded him of what had happened. He wasn't hungry, nor was he thirsty. He just wanted to go to his childhood room and cry. The sickness in his stomach was still present. Just the thought of being responsible made him shiver and he did not know how to deal with it. After all he was still scared! He knew it could happen again. Certainly it would really happen again. He still heard Royce's words. “I think we should repeat it.”  
He did not want it to repeat. But he knew that if it happened again … It would be his own fault. Again!   
Actually Niall was absolutely not likely to go to his room right after coming home. But this time everything was different. Of course he had missed his family, but seeing their happy face wasn't what he felt like right now. He did not want to disappoint them, normally he would stay awake with them almost the whole night and tell about his passed few weeks, but he just couldn't. Not this time! Because the rape was a piece of these few weeks now and he did not even want to think about it anymore. Above all not with his parents in the same room.  
“Oh … alright. Then go have a nap. If you need something, just tell us.” Maura looked a little bit irritated and worried, but did not let it show.  
Bobby wasn't that good in hiding his worries. “Are you alright?”  
“Yes. Yes I am. I'm really just tired.” He knew that the missing sparkle in his eyes was working against his statement. But he could not change it. He knew already that he wasn't able to hide his current mood completely. His parents knew him to well.  
Not to discuss anything further, he turned to the stairs and rushed upstairs, finally reaching his room and shutting the door. He was save. At least a little bit. He let his bag drop on the floor. He was exhausted. Not tired, but exhausted. And he definitely had to change his pants. His hand was moving over his face and ruffling through his hairs, making a mess out of it.  
He slowly got onto his knees, not wanting to cause more pain than necessary. He zipped his bag open and pulled new boxer shorts out of it, together with extremely loose sweatpants. Then he stood up again and rushed to the bathroom. On his way through the hallway he could here his parents talking downstairs.  
“Did you see how pale he was?”  
“Yes, sure I did. You think he's ill?”  
“Dunno. Probably.”  
“Mhm.”   
He didn't want to hear any of that and quickly shut the bathroom-door behind himself. He did not want to take a shower again, remembering the pain it already caused this morning. He just wanted to crawl under his blanket and let the tear spill freely.  
So he pulled his jeans and pants down and shuddered quietly when he saw a few drops of blood on the fabric. He did not bother with putting the pants to the laundry (that would have been to dangerous anyways, his mum would ask multiple questions if she saw a bloodstained boxer shorts from Niall). He just put it into the rubbish in attempt to never look at it again.  
He gripped some pieces of toilet paper (a washrag seemed to dangerous as well, what if he wasn't able to clean it from the blood afterwards?), wetting them and closing his eyes in fear. He had to clean himself, but the last time he tried and touched himself down there, the pain has been almost unbearable. But he HAD to. So he did like under the shower in the morning. He let his hands sink down between his cheeks, shaking and whining already, without even touching the sore part. But when he did, it was horrible. Simply horrible. It hurt a lot but this time he was at least able to hold back a scream. It was slightly better than in the morning, but he could still not help but moan quietly in pain. He tried his best, but he just could not properly clean himself. Maybe it was okay now though.  
The toilet paper was a little red but there was not a lot of blood on it. That at least gave him a bit of hope. It wasn't bleeding anymore and he could just let it heal from now on.

 

%$%$%$

 

It wasn't really late but Niall had been falling asleep about an hour ago though. Because of the time lag it was only 8pm in Ireland now but back in Australia it was about 7am and it was no surprise that Niall was simply falling asleep because of exhaustion, even though he honestly hasn't been tired at all.  
Well now he was awake again. A nightmare had ripped him out of his sleep and had left him crying again.  
Why was he forced to relive everything again? Royce's moans filling the air, his strokes pressing him into the mattress, the pain, the beating, the touching, the disgust, the pain, the pain, the pain.  
Everything was so present again, as if it was actually happening again. Niall gasped, almost screaming when he woke up and immediately moving himself into the fetal position. He sobbed and was shaking. It was his fault. Why had he been looking at Royce in a way that had turned the bodyguard on? Why did he do that? Why he? Why that? Why?  
He did not want to feel the pain anymore. He did not want to cry because of what had happened anymore. He did not want to feel the disgust about himself and Royce anymore. He wanted to punish himself. Punish himself for being so stupid. For being so weak. For not having been able to stop Royce from touching him, punching him and … above all, from raping him.  
If he was taller and stronger, he would have been able to stop him. But he was thin and pathetic! IT WAS HIS FAULT!  
He had to do something. Now. And suddenly there was an idea forming in his head that sounded pretty good. Yes. It could help. He needed to have control again. Control about what happened and control about the pain he was feeling. And he wanted to punish himself anyway. Why not connecting everything and punishing himself and his weak body with something that also helped gaining control over the pain?  
He slowly slipped out of his bed, standing on wobbling legs and dried traces of tears on his cheeks. Niall did not know if he was about to do the right thing, when he walked to the bathroom again, but he did not really care either. As long as it would be helping, he didn't mind if it was a good solution.   
With shaking hands he took his razor in his hands, looked at it with wide eyes. His fingers started to fumble around and disassembled the severally blades until he was left with one only.  
He let himself drop onto the toilet lid, the single blade still in his trembling hands. Even though it was the first time, he was about to do it, he did not hesitate with going on. He knew what to do. Had heard about it more than enough. So he pulled the sleeve on his right arm up and looked at the pale skin covered in bruises. His wrist looked awful. Luckily no one had seen it until now. It was blue and purple, just like the handprints on his hips.  
He quickly shook his head. He would put something else on the wrist right now, would create something new. Something he had full control about.  
He bit onto his bottom lip to muffle every sound that might come from his lips, but when he let the blade slide over his bruised skin, there was nothing. No sound, almost no pain. He watched the blood spilling out of the cut in awe. It was beautiful. Kind of. But he wanted pain. Pain he could control. Pain that pushed the other pain in the background. So he cut again. A little bit deeper this time. And there it was. Finally. Relieving pain. HIS pain.  
The blood was dark red as single drops fell onto the white tiles in front of him, collecting in a small lough of blood. Niall could honestly lose himself in the sight of the blood. It was so fair, so gorgeous. From now on, red was his favourite colour.  
“Again.”, he muttered to himself. He let the blade slit over his arm again. And once more. Creating two new cuts, fitting excellently next to the previous cuts. It was so liberating. He was free. There was him, the blade and the cuts. Nothing else to thinks about right now. The lough on the floor grew a little bit bigger, not alarming big, just bigger. Beautiful and stunning.  
But the trance, he was in as he watched the blood dropping from his arm, stopped abruptly, when he heard knocking on the door.  
“Niall? You in there? It's me … Greg.”  
“Oh shit.”, Niall said quietly to himself, panic rushing through his eyes. The numb feeling was gone.  
“Are you alright?” Greg asked through the door, probably he had heard Niall's cursing.  
“Yeah.” His voice sounded hoarse, so he coughed, once, twice. “Just give me minute.”  
He heard his brother staying for a few seconds, then his steps, as he walked away. Niall sighed. He had to do something. Get rid of all the blood, even though he just wanted to sit here for hours, staring at his cuts.  
He gripped the roll of toilet paper though, cleaning the floor hearty, not wanting to risk his mum finding a single spot of blood. Then he turned to the medical cabinet, searching and finding antiseptic solution and pouring a small amount of it onto his cuts. Then he took a bandage and wrapped it around his bleeding arm. A last controlling glance, then he pulled his sleeves over the bandage and closed the cabinet.

$%$%$%$

“Hey, little brother.”, Greg greeted him as he stepped into his room. “God you look horrible.”  
The words escaping his older brother's mouth in a gasp.  
Niall avoided to look at him immediately. He felt watched, and not in a good way. Controlled and suddenly had the urge to exculpate himself. He did not want Greg to hug him, felt as if his brother could even feel his current mood and was scared.  
Greg pulled him into a hug though and dragged him to his bed to sit on it with him. Greg has always been his kingpin back home. He had always told him everything, but suddenly the feeling was gone. He couldn't tell him what bothered him the most. He would not understand. He couldn't help him. And of course Niall wasn't allowed to tell him. So he remained quiet. Listened to a few of Greg's questions but not answering a single one. He just looked at a picture of him and the lads, plastered onto the wall in front of him. He did not see the picture though. His body turned numb again, reliving the feeling from recently. He just wanted to escape into the sight of his blood again.  
“Niall? Ey … are even listening?” Greg's voice barely soak through the wall he build up around him to protect himself from questions, he wasn't able to answer anyway. He continued looking to the picture in front of him, feeling disgusting all of a sudden. Royce's touches were back on his body, his voice in his ears again. Panic rushing through his body, leaving him breathless. His weight was pressed against him, letting him gasp.  
“Shit, Niall! Calm down!” There was Greg's voice again. Bringing a little bit of home back to his mind. Royce was slowly disappearing again. Where did he even come from? Why has he been here? It wasn't possible for him to come here. Not right now at least. Niall knew it but the feeling of Royce's touches remained though.  
“NIALL JAMES HORAN! LOOK AT ME!”  
He was in his room. Greg sitting next to him. Suddenly he was fully aware about his surroundings again. He did not even recognize that his breath went hysterical and he was slashing around himself until Greg gripped his upper arm and made him stop fighting against nothing. Niall was sobbing in panic as he looked into his brothers eyes full of concern and worries.  
“Can you hear me now?”, he asked, Niall's vision not blurry anymore.  
The blonde nodded hesitating. He did not dare to speak. Probably wouldn't have been able to do so anyway.  
“Good.”, Greg sighed and rubbed his arms over his younger brothers upper arms and up to his cheeks, then letting his hands sink down onto his lap.  
Niall closed his eyes, didn't want to see anything at the moment, still needing a moment to catch his breath properly again.  
“What happened? I mean you suddenly panicked, I've never seen you like that before.”  
Niall just shook his head. He did not want to talk.  
“I … I … uh … actually I wanted to talk to you about your last few weeks and … I should ask you what you wanted to eat. Mum said you weren't hungry when you arrived?”  
Niall nodded.  
“Well … Guess that makes sense now.” Greg's voice was quiet, he just talked to himself. Niall furrowed his eyebrows. “I mean I thought she was kidding but now … You look really awful.”  
Niall didn't move. He didn't want to hear stuff like that. He knew it already.  
Actually I liked being with Greg, but right now he just wanted to be alone again. He had only three days until he had to go back on the road again. There were plenty of concerts waiting and he wanted to be fit for the fans. So he needed some time to his own now.  
“What is wrong with you? You're not talking at all. I … You make me worry, Niall. What happened?”  
Niall again shook his head.  
“Okay that's it. I'm going to get mum and dad!”, said Greg and pushed his legs from the bed in attempt to stand up, but Niall was faster.  
“NO!” he grated and looked at his brother pleading.  
“You can't see yourself, Niall! Something obviously is wrong but you're not talking. You're scaring me.”  
“Sorry.” Niall still avoided his brother's look. He wanted to crawl under his blanket again. Wanted at least a day without being bothered.  
“So what is it? Just talk to me, please?”  
Niall closed his eyes again. He wanted silence! Right now!  
“Can you just leave?”, he asked in a silent voice and hat to cough again, because his throat was so sore.  
“What? No! I won't leave you alone right now!”  
“Please ...”, Niall said and laid down onto his pillow.  
It took a few seconds until Greg raised his voice again. “Alright but only for now. You should probably sleep a little bit.”

 

%$%$%$

 

It was the last day of the break when Liam was interrupted in his conversation with his parents, by his ringing mobile phone. He frowned when he saw the name on the display.   
Maura Horan  
Why did Niall's mum call him? He picked up immediately, throwing an excusing look to his parents.  
“Maura? Hi, is everything alright?”  
He had a bad feeling in his stomach. Normally Maura did not call him. She once did, in the very beginning of One Direction, when she was worrying about Niall being home sick.  
“Hello Liam. No actually nothing's alright.”  
“What? Why not? Is something with Niall?”, he was alarmed. Niall had been so weird already in Australia and on the flight home. He had already have the assumption that Niall wasn't acting the way he did, because he missed home. There was something else, and now he had the confirmation.  
“He's acting weird. He's barely eating and keeps hiding in his room. No one of us has been able to talk to him properly so far. I don't know what it is. So I thought … maybe you have an idea. I mean you're his best friend and … I think something has happened when you were on the tour.”  
Liam sighed.  
“I recognized his behaviour as well, the day we were about to go home. He told me he were just missing him but … to be honest, I did not really believe him.”  
Liam his parents eyes. They were looking curious and worried at the same time. But Liam just shook his head. He would explain it to them later.  
“Do you think it is too much for him? I mean the tour and stuff? Does he need a proper break?”  
“I don't think so, Maura. It came out of a sudden … if it would be too much for him, then I think we would have recognized early and not so … abrupt.” Liam tried to explain.   
“Yeah … yeah, you might be right, but … what is it then? I've never seen him like that. He … I can't let my baby go like that. Honestly, Liam. I just can't. He's obviously not feeling well and it … it happened when he was on tour … when he was away from home and … he looks so hurt. What am I supposed to do now? He's still my little baby!” At the end Maura started sobbing and Liam's heard arched in pain.  
It must have been really horrible in Mullingar right now. Niall had to be in a very bad state, otherwise Maura would not cry into the telephone like that.  
“I … I don't know, Maura. Just … maybe you should wait until tomorrow before you make a decision. Probably he just needed a few days off and tomorrow he feels better again. But … however he is acting, if he's back on tour with us again, I'll have an eye on him! I promise you! And I'll try to talk to him! Okay?”  
Liam could here Niall's mum´s sobbing become loader.  
“Please take care of him, when he´s not at home.”  
“I will, Maura. I will!”

 

%$%$%$%

Niall's behaviour became much better the next day. Even though he didn't feel good at all, he wanted to spent at least a little amount of time with his family. And he was quite happy do see the boys again in a few hours. One could say they were his second family so he did not like to be apart from them.  
He just ignored the fact that he would also see Royce again. He simply did not want to think about it at the moment. So when he woke up in the morning, he packed his things together, threw them into his suitcase and heading down the stairs afterwards.  
Maura was just preparing breakfast, put the last things on the table and blinked twice, when she saw her youngest son entering the room. He barely left his room the last few days.  
“Good morning, Mum. Is the breakfast prepared already? I'm really hungry.” That wasn't even a lie. He was hungry and he wanted to eat something. Finally. Probably that was because his bum was better and he wasn't so scared to go to the toilet anymore. The pain was almost completely gone, but he kept cutting though. It was helping. Kind of.  
“You're hungry?” Maura could not hide her surprise. She was relieved because it was absolutely not likely for Niall not to eat. So Niall must be feeling better, otherwise he wouldn't come down to eat. He didn't the last few days.  
“Yes. Is Greg still here?”  
“Oh uhm … yes he is. Maybe … maybe you can go and wake him up?”  
“Sure.”  
Niall didn't miss his Mum´s confused but happy face when he turned around, and went to wake up his brother. He knew that he did not look that horrible anymore. He was actually looking good again. Almost no eye circles left and his facial colour was normal as well. And he knew pretty good that he HAD to behave in a normal way again, otherwise it would be too obvious that something had happened. He had needed the last few days, no play-acting, just staying in his room and trying to understand what had happened. But he simply couldn't do that any longer. He didn't want anyone to become suspicious, that would have been too dangerous. Not for him, rather for Harry and Zayn.  
“Greg?”, he said when he entered his brother's room. “Come on, Greg, wake up. Mum prepared breakfast.”  
Greg squinted up to him. “Niall? You finally left your room?”  
“Yeah.”, Niall said with an hoarse voice.  
Greg nodded, still sleepy and stood up, rubbing over his eyes. “Good, I'm going to get ready.”

The day went on pretty well. Niall was able to act normal and spent the day with his parents and Greg. When it turned later and he only had alf an hour left until he had to leave, his family turned serious out of a sudden.  
They were sitting on the couch, talking about Theo, when Maura suddenly bit down on his bottom lip.  
“Niall, are you okay? I mean … really. Your behaviour over the last few days was so odd. I've never seen you this way.”  
The living room turned quiet. Niall cleared his throat. He had to be careful what to say now. His family shouldn't worry any longer and especially shouldn't become even more suspicious.  
“I'm fine again. I'm pretty sure. I just needed a break, a few days off. The past weeks were kinda exhausting but I'm fine now. I'm definitely ready for the following concerts now.  
Maura didn't really look convinced. Niall didn't know that she had talked about him with Liam the previous day. So Niall basically had just said that he was exhausted and that it kind of has been a little bit too much for him, exactly what Maura and Liam had excluded.  
“Are you sure there isn't something else, honey?” she asked and panic expression took over Niall's face for not even a second until he was able to hide his fear. His Mum couldn't know. He just had to keep calm and go on lying, even though he absolutely didn't like it.  
“Yes, I'm sure. There isn't anything else. I'm fine. I'd guess I need a few days off sometimes, that's all.”  
He didn't miss Greg's skeptical look. He wasn't convinced, of course he wasn't. He saw Niall's panic attack, his break down and that wasn't really something what Niall had done before when he had stress or was exhausted. Greg seemed to know that there definitely was something else, but fortunately he didn't ask further questions. Probably he wanted to wait a few weeks until Niall was back again, to see if his behaviour would repeat or change in any way. 

 

%$%$%$ 

They were back on tour again. Niall had tried to avoid Royce as good as possible. But that wasn't easy at all. The other lads were still getting on pretty well with him and Niall didn't want to say anything. So that was it at the moment. The lads were hanging around in Louis' hotel room and Niall was sitting in his room alone.  
Actually he tried not to be alone anymore, because he didn't want to give Royce even the tiniest chance to catch him alone, but right now he was with the lads, so he had to be alone. Of course he could have gone to Lou, or Paul, but he didn't want to either.  
So he sat here, looking around in the cold and quiet hotel room, unsure what to do. He already thought about cutting again. The urge to do so was growing from hour to hour today. He last cut yesterday. But with Royce being so close every day, it was hard to resist for longer than 24 hours.  
Niall already played with the thought of going to the bathroom to satisfy his urge, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.  
He clenched, still sitting on the bed. He was alone, what if it was Royce? Of course he could just stay in his bed, ignoring it, but he wouldn't dare to let the door shut. If it was Royce, he had to open, he knew. Otherwise the bodyguard would probably go straight to Zayn or Harry … and afterwards back to him. So he had no other option than cracking out: “Yes? Who's there?”  
“It's us, Niall. Liam and Zayn.”  
Niall sighed in relief. That was good. He wouldn't have to be alone anymore, so the chance for Royce to get him was sinking.  
“May we come in?” shouted Liam through the door.   
“Yeah, sure.”  
He heard a klick and the door opened. The boys always got two keycards for their rooms, one each of them kept themselves, the other was handed to one of the other boys, just in case. So it was not problem for Zayn and Liam to enter the room, but Niall appreciated that the asked for permission at first.  
Niall was wrapped up in his blanket, leaning against the headboard and looking towards the door as Liam and Zayn stepped in. They didn't look happy. Niall didn't bother to ask what the matter was, he knew already that they'd tell him anyway.  
They took a seat on Niall's bed as well and exchanged a glance.  
“Are you okay, babe?”, asked Liam and Niall jerked under the nickname. Last time when he heard it was during … yeah. When it happened.  
“Sure.”, he said shrugging.  
“Why are you here alone, then? We were watching Finding Nemo. We told you before.”, Zayn said without even trying to hide his worried expression.  
“I wasn't in the mood of watching a movie. I just wanted to be alone for a while.” He avoided any possible eye contact, didn't want them to perceive his lie.  
“You're acting weird.”  
Niall's head jerked up, glancing at Liam? “I'm not!”  
“Yes you are, Niall. You were weird before we went to our families and since we're back together you … I don't know, even though you're try to act normal, you're not. You don't look happy and sometimes I've got the feeling you're going to panic any second.”  
Niall shook his head, Zayn nodded. Why have they been so attentive? Why did they recognize? Niall had really try to hide his feelings, but especially when Royce was around, he simply couldn't hide all his fear. Royce haven't tried anything so far, but Niall could still see the bodyguard's eyes flickering over his body and that made him feel uncomfortable. He swallowed hard and shook his head even stronger.  
“I'm fine.”  
“Don't lie to us, Niall. Please. You can talk to us. We know that something is up. Why don't you tell us?” Zayn moved closer to Niall and sat directly next to him now. He petted the blonde hair and then put an arm around the thin body. “You can trust us. You know you can. No matter what it is, we're her for you.”  
Tears were forming in Niall's eyes and he sniffled quietly. He wanted to say something. Anything. But he couldn't. He wanted help, but no one was able to help him. He couldn't tell them. He didn't want to talk about it and he didn't want to get into trouble. He looked at Zayn. His eyes were so loving and worrying, he wanted to help so desperately, Niall could see. But Royce has threatened him. And Niall didn't want to let anything to happen to Zayn, or Harry, nor to Liam and Louis. So he had to pretend that everything was good. He had to keep on acting, trying to avoid Royce and to convince his best friends. It was for their own safety.  
“It is nothing. I'm fine. I … I'm just tired. But we can watch a movie now, though.”  
Liam and Zayn didn't look convinced at all, but they didn't say anything further.  
“So you come to Louis' room with us now?” asked Liam, trying to smile.  
Niall blinked. Damn it. What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to go to Louis' room. Royce must still be there. Everything in him bristled against going with Zayn and Liam now, but he couldn't stay here either. They would become suspicious even more and he had to prevent that.  
“Already ...” He said tentatively and stood up slowly.  
His legs were wobbling and he got scared immediately. The last few days he had tried not to be in a small room with Royce. He had managed, but now he wouldn't have any chance to avoid it. He had to go.

When they entered Louis' room, Niall didn't look up. He didn't want to see Royce, only feeling his present and his eyes staring at him was enough to get heebie-jeebies all over his body. He was so scared.  
“Niall!”, shouted Louis through the room and jumped on his feet. “Why've you been hiding in your room all evening, mate?”  
“Dunno.”, mumbled Niall and didn't know what to do. He felt so uncomfortable.  
“C'mon, sit down, we've got crisps.”, said Harry and waved in his direction.  
Niall lifted his head slowly. He saw Harry sitting on the couch, directly next to Royce. Royce smirked slightly and winked to him. Niall had to close his eyes for a second to become rid of the sick feeling in his stomach. His breathing got faster but he walked over to the couch though. He sat down, as far away from Royce as possible. Harry smiled at him and handed the bag of crisps over to him. Niall took it, but didn't even pretend to want to eat something. Only thinking of it almost made him vomit.  
Louis let himself fall next to him hand took the bag out of his hands. “If you don't want crisps, give them to me, I'd like to eat them.”, he said, but looked slightly worried. Niall knew why, he was pale again. He could feel it. Liam and Zayn sat down as well, then they turned the TV on and the movie started.  
Niall absolutely wasn't able to concentrate on the movie. He knew that Royce kept looking at him and he started trembling in the middle of the movie, when the bodyguard suddenly got up and moved towards him. What was he doing.  
Royce knit his brow and kneeled on the ground in front of Niall. Niall immediately stopped breathing. NO!  
“What is wrong with you, Nialler? You're so pale. I'm really worrying about you for days now.”  
Niall couldn't believe what Royce was doing. How could he dare even talking to him? And pretending not to know pretty well what's been wrong with him recently.  
“Niall?” Louis laid his arm over Niall's shoulder and pull him against his body. “He's right. You are very pale. Is it … you aren't hurt again, are you?”  
Niall yelped in fear. Why did Louis say that? Niall wasn't allowed to tell anyone about what happened, but he kind of did, when Louis recognized that he was hurt, didn't he? Niall didn't miss Royce's eyes widen in anger. He would do it again. Niall knew immediately. At least to punish him and it would be his fault again, because he didn't hide his pain.  
He jumped on his feet. Pernickety trying not to touch Royce while going around him to the door.  
“I'm going to sleep.”, he mouthed and left the room, not bothering to step when he heard the boys calling after him.  
He needed to go to his bathroom. He needed to cut. Now! He couldn't resist. He had to cut! He had to get rid of the pain developing inside of his chest. He had to punish himself for being so stupid. He had to see his blood.  
Niall bursted through his hotel room door and went straight to his bathroom, shutting the door behind.  
He looked around hysterically, knew exactly what to do now. What he needed so desperately. He took the blade out of his toilet bag and let himself fall to the ground. The tiles were cold beneath him, but he didn't mind. It was just another distraction from the fear and pain deep inside of him.  
Without thinking twice he rolled his sleeves up and hold the blade to his bare skin. He cut. Once. Then once again. Blood was dripping onto his sweatpants but he didn't notice, he just kept cutting. Deeper, enjoying the pain and the sight of the blood. His head turned numb and finally he was feeling relieved again. No more thoughts about Royce. Everything around him was silent.  
Probably that was the reason why he didn't recognize the knocking on the door.  
“Niall?” Someone shouted but Niall was still not hearing anything. His whole concentration was on the blood and the pain. It felt so good. It distracted him better than anything else.  
He made another deep cut, knew he shouldn't exaggerate and watched the blood course. Feeling the pain swooshing through his entire body. He started shaking. It was so overwhelming.  
The door swung open and Niall still didn't recognize. He was to fixated on his bleeding cuts, lifted the blade again, to cut a once again, when he finally recognized Liam.  
“NO! NIALL STOP IT!”, he shouted, standing in the doorframe and started rushing forward as soon as he saw Niall wanting to cut again. His expression was shocked.  
Niall dropped the blade, trying to hide his bleeding arm, but it was to late and he knew it. Liam had seen his cuts already and was now kneeling in front of him.  
“Niall … What is this? Oh my god, why are you hurting yourself?”  
But Niall wasn't able to talk right now. He still felt a little bit numb, but there was the pain, coming from his arm, and there were the thoughts about Royce again, the feeling of his touches on his body were back as well and everything was simply too much. He didn't know what to do, what to say and what to feel. He wasn't able to think straight. So everything he could right now was staring to cry and shaking even harder.  
“Damn. Shall I get help or something? Fuck Niall, everywhere's blood.” Liam sounded as if he was slightly in panic already.  
Niall somehow managed to shake is head. He didn't want to see anyone right now. He just wanted to curl himself into his blanket on the bed and cry. Nothing else.  
“No? But how … I mean. I … okay.” Liam was stammering. Though he stood up and took a washrag, wetted it and came back. He started cleaning Niall's arm, his trousers and the floor as could as he was able to, then he put the washrag back into the sink. Niall just let him do, he didn't really care. He trusted Liam, didn't jerk under his touches anymore. But when Liam helped him up from the ground and kind of carried him to his bed, he slowly came back to his mind.  
What was he supposed to say now? Liam would want to have answers. Now there was no way anymore to say his weird acting was a result of being tired or homesick.  
When he was carefully laid down on the bed, he tried to turn away, because he was so unsure what to say, but Liam didn't let him. He laid next to him, pulling him against his warm body and nuzzling his face into Niall's blonde hair. Liam was stroking Niall's pale face, his shoulders and his arm, trying to comfort him.  
After a while Niall was finally able to loosen but hot tears were still streaming down his cheeks. He wasn't shaking anymore and probably it was the first time in days, that he didn't feel scared at all. Liam was there. Liam would protect him. And Liam was caring. Dangerously caring, but caring.  
Niall only had to be careful not to let a single word slip out of his mouth, about what had happened. But for the moment at least, everything was kind of okay. Not good, but it was okay.  
He was about to fall asleep, knowing that he would be able to sleep deep in Liam's arms, because he wouldn't have to fear Royce coming into the room and doing … what ever. But Liam didn't let him sleep. He destroyed Niall's save feeling within seconds, when he started to ask questions again.  
“Niall, how can you hurt yourself this way?”  
Niall clenched again. Why did he always had to answer questions? Why did no one understand that he simply wasn't able to answer?   
“Please talk to me, Nialler. I'm really worried about you. You were acting so weird the last few days and now … that. I mean ...” He took a deep breath. “I can see that today wasn't the first time you've hurt yourself. There are scars on your wrist.”  
Niall just shook his head. Liam's worried tone didn't help him to hide his feelings. He felt sick. Of course he was safe for the moment, but the moment would pass and he'd be alone again. Helpless, weak, just like before. Everything would repeat, probably over and over again. And he would only make it worse with talking about it now. So he tried to even his breathes, without success of course and was ending in shaking sob.  
“Oh God, why don't you talk to me?” Liam pulled him closer, nuzzling further in his neck and Niall could feel salty tears wetting his skin where Liam's face was pressed against him. He made Liam cry. It was so obvious how much his best friend was caring and how worried he was.  
“I … Liam … 'M sorry.”, was everything Niall could choke out. He didn't know what else to say.  
“It's okay, Niall. It's okay … just please tell me how I can help you.” Liam's voice was shaking, he tried to hide that he was crying.  
“Just don't ask any more questions.” It was the only thing Niall could think about at the moment. There was nothing else Liam could do for him.  
“But … no. I can't, love. Really. You're not feeling good. You … God, Niall you are hurting yourself. There is something so damn wrong and you don't talk about it. I … Niall please. I can't just look away. You are my friend.”  
Niall began sucking his lower lip into his mouth. He knew how Liam was, he wouldn't just stop asking and worrying.  
“I'm tired Liam, just … I want to sleep.”  
Liam remained quiet for almost a minute, then he said: “Alright, but we're talking tomorrow. You need … you need help. And … Niall?”  
“Yeah?”   
“Please don't hurt yourself again. I don't … I … please let me help you, come to me if you feel the urge to … to cut again. Please.”  
Niall just nodded, even though there was no way he could fulfil this demand. Cutting helped. He wouldn't give that up. He wouldn't give the last bit of control over his body away. He couldn't.  
“Good.” Liam pulled him closer again, if that was even possible. Then he pressed a light kiss onto his neck. “Thank you.”

 

§$§$§$§

Of course Niall didn't talk to Liam when they woke up the next day. Liam tried to, but Niall immediately started avoiding his best friend. He slept well in Liam's arms and felt safe when he was with him but it was to dangerous. Liam wouldn't stop asking questions.  
So he ate alone, if one could even call it eating. Niall wasn't hungry again. And then he disappeared in his room again. They had a concert today, so there was a lot of distraction and Niall looked forward to it.  
But it didn't turn out as good as he hoped it would. Royce was looking at him the whole time, he seemed angry and Niall wasn't able to ignore the sick feeling coming with feeling Royce's eyes on him and the fear of what would await him.  
On stage he found himself next to Liam almost the whole time. The brunette didn't leave his side and seemed as if he would only be waiting for Niall to collapse right in front of him.  
Niall didn't, but his show was awful though. He forgot his lyrics a few times, his guitar play was a total mess and he felt weak and even staggered a few times, when he thought about Royce, waiting for him behind the stage.  
Louis, Liam and Zayn seemed to notice his horrible and dazed state as well, they were throwing confused looks at him and were pulling anxious faces. Niall couldn't wait to hide in his room again.

 

§$§$§$§

 

“I guess we're here because of Niall?”, asked Zayn, sitting on Liam's bed and looking at him in a curious way.  
“Exactly.” Liam breathed out and looked in the circle. They were all sitting on his bed, Harry and Louis leaning against the head of the bed, leaning against each other Zayn and Liam were sitting in front of them.  
After the concert Liam had invited his best friends to his room. He didn't want to talk about Niall behind his back … actually, but he knew everything was to far developed already. Niall was hurting himself, and the way he was acting today didn't make anything better. He wasn't himself anymore and he didn't want to talk to anyone. So what was Liam supposed to do? There was no way to resolve everything on his own. He had to talk to the others. Had to tell them. Maybe they would find a solution together.  
“So what is it?” Harry sounded curious, his eyes wide open.  
“He is … I dunno how to explain actually. He's not in a good condition at the moment. I think everyone of you has already realized. He's barely eating and he's hiding the whole time and when he's with us it's not the same anymore. And he doesn't talk that much and his smile is faked and -”  
“For Fuck's sake, Liam, we know that already … cut through the shit and tell us what else 's going on. There's something else, isn't it?” Louis sounded nervous and eager.  
“Alright. Maura called me when Niall was home. She was deeply worried. Niall was like … gone. He didn't talk and was only hiding in his room. She said, she'd never seen him acting like that before … well, I promised her I'd keep a wary eye on him and … yeah, I did. Remember I was checking on him yesterday?”  
Synchronous nodding was the answer.  
“Did he talk to you?” asked Zayn.  
“No, he didn't. He -” Liam let his palms glide of his face and breathed out loudly. He had to tell them. Even though I'd be a shock. “He was cutting when I found him.”  
Wide lacerated eyes found his own. The look was unbelieving, shocked.   
“He did what?”, breathed Louis out.  
“He hurts himself?”, came from Zayn.  
“Oh my God.”, was Harry's whispered answer.  
Liam nodded. “There was … blood everywhere. I think he didn't even notice me coming him, until I made him stop. I … I dunno, he didn't move at all, not even when I was cleaning him up and he didn't say a word. Nothing. It was as if he was in trance or something. He looked far gone. And it … it wasn't the first time he was cutting. There were a lot of scars. But he didn't want to answer. I don't know anything. I dragged him to his bed and lay there with him. He didn't answer any of my questions. He was so stiff the whole time and seemed scared when I started asking.”  
Liam felt lost. There was nothing he could do for Niall at the moment because he didn't know what the matter was.  
“Fuck.” Louis bit his bottom lip in horror. “So everything we know is that there is something, that makes Niall hurt himself and that he's scared of something. Shit what shall we do? Does anyone has an idea what it is? I mean what is Niall so scared about?”  
They shrugged. Louis started scratching his neck, obviously deliberating.  
“We've to do something, though.”  
“I know, Harry. But what?” Liam just didn't know what to do. There was so much going on and he just wanted to help his best friend. Niall has been so innocent and always nice, funny and carefree. Why had that changed? What changed that?  
“We should talk to him again.” suggested Zayn unsure.  
“Yes, but he won't talk, I think.” Actually Liam knew it already.  
“We've to give him at least one last chance. And if he's still not talking, we've to tell Paul. He needs to open up. He has to talk to someone. And probably he needs professional help. I mean, there's obviously something bothering him a lot. Something he actually doesn't want to share, and there has to be a reason for him not wanting to talk about it.”  
Zayn was right, thought Liam. They had to talk to Niall at least one more time.  
“Shall we go now then?” Harry was already off the bed.  
“I don't know. Don't ya think he's asleep already?”  
“As if, Zayn.”, said Louis.  
“Maybe we should talk to him tomorrow, though. He should have the chance to sleep properly before we're bombarding him with questions.”  
“Honestly Zayn, I want to get over with it now.” Louis said and hopped from the bed.  
“I dunno ...” Zayn still didn't move.

 

§$§$§$§

 

Niall was sitting in front of his bed, scrolling through Twitter in attempt to distract himself. The day had been so horrible, he just wanted to forget for a few seconds. But on Twitter he only found about a thousand vines and gifs, all showing the same. Today's concert. Niall's pale face and a very clinging Liam.  
Niall shook his head and closed the app. It definitely didn't help at all. So he had to do something else. But what? Just when he was about to look through his phone to find something else, he could spend time with, there was a knock on his door. He stilled his moves and looked up. The bed was exactly in front of the door.  
He took a deep breath and stood up. That was probably Liam again, who wanted to talk to him. Even though he was absolutely not in the mood to talk, he pulled the door open, because he knew he couldn't avoid Liam forever.  
But just when he swung the door open, he knew it has probably been his biggest mistake. It wasn't Liam. It was Royce. Standing there, tall and dangerous, ready to do mischief.  
Niall clenched immediately. Out of a reflex he tried to push the door shut again, but no chance. Royce was quick and slammed it back open, hitting Niall with it and made him stumble back. There was no way to escape, Niall knew and he immediately started trembling. How should he go through something like that again? Royce shut the door and took fast steps to Niall. He grabbed the blonde hairs and yanked him up. Niall yelped. The pain was shooting through his scalp and he could already feel a bump forming on his forehead, exactly where the door hit him.  
“Why did you leave yesterday? That looked suspicious! I told you not to tell anyone.” Growled Royce in his face and Niall tried to turn away. Little drops of saliva hit his face and he already felt disgusting.  
“I didn't tell anyone. I swear.” He breathed out in a pleading voice. “Please.”  
But Royce didn't have compassion for him. Instead he pushed the scared boy onto the bed, hovering over him only seconds later.  
“I know it wasn't easy for you to hide it, princess. I saw your eyes on me again. Your beautiful blue eyes. You've waited for me to come around again, didn't you?”  
Niall gasped for air. Has he been looking like I wanted it to happen again? Did he, with trying to hide his feelings, send the wrong signals? I must have, everything was his fault anyway. And why should Royce come here otherwise?  
“Mhm.” Royce made and pinned Niall on the bed. His nose tickled over Niall's soft skin on his jaw and he clenched. He hated the bodyguard's touches. “I'm going to make it better for you this time. I promise.”  
Niall didn't know what that should mean. How could it be 'better' for him this time? He could never like it. Never  
But Royce didn't bother to explain, instead he started undressing Niall. Niall didn't even try to make him stop. What for? It didn't hurt yet and he wouldn't have a chance anyway. So he let the bodyguard pull his trousers and boxers down, together with his socks. He could feel Royce's look on him and squirmed, but he couldn't hide his 'private zone', because Royce was still holding his hands together over his head, only using one hand and still stronger than Niall.  
Then he took Niall's long sleeved Sweatshirt and pushed it upwards, over the blonde's head and threw it away. Then he stopped. Niall expected him to go straight ahead, now that he was naked, but Royce didn't. He looked at him. No. Not at him. At his wrists, the red cuts were sticking out from the pale skin and Niall could almost see them mirrored in the grey eyes, which were hovering over his face.  
“What did you do?” He whispered dangerously quiet.  
Niall shook his head. “Nothing.” He croaked out and tried to escape Royce's hard grip.  
“You little piece of shit! How dare you deface your beautiful little body? You're not allowed to! Do you understand that? Don't you ever do that again!” His voice wasn't load, but there was no chance to not hear the threat swinging in it. To underline his words he pressed his hands onto the cuts and rubbed slightly, causing pain to shoot through Niall's arm. He whined quietly and tried to escape once again, but Royce was still too strong.   
He closed his eyes, trying to block his surroundings out. But when Royce started crawling down his body and suddenly pressed a kiss onto Niall's limp length without any sort of warning, his eyes widened in shock.  
He wound beneath the mouth, trying to get away. Royce pressed his hips down, caused handprints to loom on the white skin and letting Niall gasp in pain.  
When Royce started licking and sucking, taking Niall's cock into his mouth and even deepthroated it, Niall's body started to respond in a way that let Niall break down completely. His body was aroused, his cock not longer limp and a pleasant feeling spread in his lower abdomen. He clenched all over. He didn't want to feel aroused, even though it was pleasant and he couldn't stop a moan escape his lips, he didn't like it the slightest. It was worse than the tearing pain he felt the last time. Far worse. He didn't want it. His body wanted Royce's tongue. Niall didn't. His body was working against him.  
His cheeks were wet from the tears spilling from his red eyes. Why did all of this happen to him? What did he do wrong to deserve it? He must've done something wrong. It was his fault. All of it. So what did he do? He couldn't think of anything.  
Royce started to suck harder now and Niall felt like throwing up. He was disgusted by himself, when his tummy tightened and he felt a releasing tickling developing in his lower abdomen. He shot his load all over his tummy and looked to the wall next to the bathroom door, his view blurry. His body's way to respond on Royce's touches was obnoxious. He felt betrayed. How could he cum from Royce? He knew he didn't like it, body his body did. So it was his fault again. He didn't have control over his body. He was too weak. Again.  
For Royce, the 'loving' phase was over now. He quickly undressed and laid on top of Niall's trembling body. The urge to through up was almost unbearable. First his body betraying him, now Royce's naked body laying on top of him … it was too much. He could feel the rough man's body all over his skin. And again there was no chance for him to escape.  
His fault. His weakness. His tears. His betraying body. His fear. Everything nauseated Niall so much. Why didn't it stop?  
“You've been a bad boy, princess. So no reward this time. I won't give you any prep! You shall feel me properly. And most important. I want to feel the whole tightness of your small, gorgeous hole around my fat cock.” Royce purred into Niall's ear and made him gag. Then he flipped Niall over onto his stomach and didn't hesitate to position his cock to Niall's entrance.  
In this moment, Niall started fighting. He knew that the pain would be unbearable, that had to prevent it. So he started kicking, gasping and squirming. He pleaded helpless “Please, let me go.” and “Please, stop it.”, but without success.  
Royce's grip onto his hip became stronger and more painful. And then he started pushing in. Slowly, but so, so horrible. Niall screamed in pain. His whole body was burning, as he was ripped apart. He felt himself start bleeding and the air was pressed out of his lungs. He had never felt anything comparable before.   
His head was pressed down in the pillow to muffle his screaming, but he couldn't stop though. He screamed, cried and whined. He couldn't breath and gasped for air, trying to fill his lungs while the pain from the bum shot through his back. He still tried to escape but Royce's grip didn't get less hard.  
He started moving and Niall almost couldn't hold back vomiting anymore. The pain was too much. Everything hurt. Everything burned. Everything felt disgusting. After some time he managed to turn his head so he could finally breath again. He heard Royce's grunts above him, felt him picking up the pace. His bum was so sore. He still squirmed, tried to push Royce off him and cried without being muffled this time. Royce didn't seem to mind anymore, he was too far gone.  
Niall almost didn't notice the door flying open. He saw Louis standing in the doorframe, but he didn't really recognize him though. He saw his shocked face. He saw Liam, Zayn and Harry standing behind him, looking just as shocked as Louis, but he didn't really understand what that meant. He saw them rushing forward, saw that they were screaming something, but he couldn't hear. Everything was like behind a glass wall, muffled, quiet and blurry from his tears.  
But when he felt Royce being ripped off him, he kind of woke up. He noticed his sobbing noises and realized in what a pathetic situation his best friends just found him. He was so embarrassed but the pain won though. Probably that was the only reason he didn't just jump off the bed and shut himself in the bathroom. He wasn't even able to move properly. Only managed to curl up in a fetal position and watched Liam and Louis manhandling Royce. He saw them punch him in the face pretty hard, twice and didn't really understand what had just happened when Royce got knocked out and fell to the ground. He watched Harry rushing out of the room, probably to get help, but he didn't care. Help was to late anyway. What else could happen now, that never did before?  
Niall felt the mattress sink next to him and looked up. Zayn was sitting there, Liam and Louis standing behind him. They still looked shocked and Niall could understand. He must look disgusting. All weak and full of blood. Covered in bruises and cuts on his arm. Tear streams visible on his cheeks, looking up out of puffed, red rimmed eyes. Pathetic. Unworthy. He wouldn't be surprised if they didn't want to be his friends anymore.  
But instead of laughing or glancing at him with disgust, they were looking worried. Zayn even lifted his hand, dared to touch him and stroke through the blonde, sticking hairs. He didn't seem nauseated at all.  
“Niall. Oh my God I'm so sorry, we didn't notice.” Liam said and looked so horrified and close to tears.  
Niall just sobbed loudly as an answer. It wasn't their fault. It was his fault. They should know. But he wasn't capable to open his mouth.  
“It's alright, Niall. It's fine, just cry. We'll stay here with you.” Zayn whispered and Louis added. “I promise to you, that will never happen again. God, Niall, I'm so sorry. We should have noticed.”  
Liam pushed Zayn gently away and sat next to Niall's head. He looked down onto Niall. Then he touched his shoulder, letting his hand glide over the pale skin and smiled slightly. He lifted Niall's head up and pulled him in a warm embrace. Niall clenched but didn't push him away. Liam threw a blanket over the shaking mess in his arms and kissed his tousled shock of hair.  
Probably this was the actuator for Niall to finally open his mouth and letting everything out at once. His voice was broken and rough but it didn't stop him.  
“I never … I didn't want it. I swear. I know it's my fault because I am too weak to stop him and - and that I - I made him horny. I didn't plan to - I neve-er noticed, but he said I di-id. I couldn't tell you. He-e told me he'd do the-e same wi-ith Harry or Zayn and I just – I had to protect you. A-and oh God! He'll hu-urt you. He'll do as soon as he reawakens. I-i can't let … I … you've to leave. Maybe-e he won't touch you if o-only I a-am here.” He sobbed loudly and nuzzled his face to Liam's chest. Liam hold him closer. It gave Niall safety. Even though he wasn't safe.  
“Niall, stop that. Nothing will happen to you. Or to Harry and Zayn. I promise you. You don't have to take the bullet for anyone of us. You're safe now. And … Niall it absolutely wasn't your fault.” Liam sounded confident even though his voice was shaking. Niall looked up. There tears streaming down Liam's face, but he smiled encouraging at Niall.  
“Nothing of this is your fault, Niall! He's a sick bastard. He … shit I just wish I'd have understand when you were hurt … when we were in the plane.” Louis brought his hands to his face and shook his head disbelievingly. “I'm really sorry.”  
Niall wanted to tell him, that there was no reason for Louis to be sorry. But he was interrupted by Harry entering the room, Paul and two bodyguards following him. They looked confused and shocked at once. The two bodyguards didn't say a word, but Paul came to the bed.  
“Niall, we called the police. They'll be here any minute to take Royce with them. You … you should really go to a hospital.” His eyes had an pleading and concerned look. He seemed to try to stay strong and to hide his feelings to make it a little bit easier for Niall. But Niall didn't miss the glance Paul threw at Royce when he came in. It was full of hate and disgust. The hate wasn't meant for Niall. No one thought about Niall in a disgusted way and Niall couldn't understand. Because he was disgusted by himself.  
He didn't answer to Paul's suggestion to bring him to a hospital. He didn't want to go. He didn't even want to think about it. But he wasn't able to discuss it right now. So he watched the bodyguards taking care of Royce. Or rather pulling him out of the room and not in a careful way. Niall watched the three men disappear when the door closed behind them and then it was quiet.  
Harry came to the bed, crawled next to Niall and snuggled to Niall's side without saying a word. He hugged him tight, together with Liam and at least for a second, Niall was able to forget his sore and aching state. He just let himself being embraced by two of his best friends, his brothers. He knew that there'd be a lot happening in the next days. And it would be a long way for him to recover. But when Harry whispered a “I love you so much, Nialler. We're here for you.” into his shoulder, he knew he had his friends' support. And he would need it, definitely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading.  
> As always ... I love comments and kudos :P

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading it. I'll post the next chapter soon.  
> This is the first story I ever wrote in english and I finally decided to post it. I'm not a native speaker and would love to receive some constructive criticism.  
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated.
> 
> If you have any prompts or ideas for other stories, please contact me on tumblr: sparklingrainybow 
> 
> Lots of love xx


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